it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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