I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
