I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
