his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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