there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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