so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
