i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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