I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
