There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
