i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
