His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
