these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
