There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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