Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
