the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
