If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
