i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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