I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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