she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
