at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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