where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
