fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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