I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
