I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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