everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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