I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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