I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
