OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
