I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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