The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
