he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
