i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
