I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
