Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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