You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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