Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
soo... how was my night?
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