Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
