Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
