I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
