There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
