i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
