I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
