Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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