Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
