Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
