My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
it's like iHOP with fire
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Randomize
