Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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