She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
