Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
