I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You pole danced in your parka.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
