I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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