Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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