My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
