you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
