ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
