Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
