Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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