You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
