Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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