I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
