watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
