I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
