porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
