Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
