She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
